The Questionnaire

I am a fan of Inside the Actors Studio, the long-running interview series on Bravo and hosted by James Lipton. I haven’t been able to watch it recently, because I’ve really been too lazy to add a Season Pass to my Tivo. At the end of each episode, just before the guest actor takes questions from the students of the Actors Studio Drama School, Mr. Lipton poses the questionnaire of Bernard Pivot, a French television host.

I thought I’d provide my answers for your entertainment. Imagine me, if you will, as an actor. Perhaps someday, I’ll try it for real.

The Questions:

• What is your favorite word? Nifty.
• What is your least favorite word? Hella.
• What turns you on creatively, spiritually, or emotionally? Well-written music.
• What turns you off? Inattentive drivers.
• What is your favorite curse word? MF.
• What sound or noise do you love? The chromatic harmonica, particularly when played by Toots Thielemans.
• What sound or noise do you hate? The part of American Pie where Chris Klein sings (almost as bad — when that terrible choir sings).
• What profession, other than your own, would you most like to attempt? Acting.
• What profession, other than your own, would you least like to attempt? Butcher.
• If heaven exists, what would you like to hear god say when you arrive at the pearly gates? “He’s here, everyone. We can finally get the party started.”

Your turn.